when friendship hurts...

I love making friends...who doesnt???...but you can be friends only with people who actually understand you and who you can understand...
If your friends hurt you over and over again you start wondering whether this person is really worth it,whether the relationship is really worth it,whether you really want to be friends with this particular person...
See there are people in my life who think it's cool to do nothing but talk behind other people's backs...Look I'm not saying I'm like the epitome of friendship but if you cant expect loyalty from a friend I'd rather not be friends with such people...It's not like I haven't bitched behind a friends back.. I have..But one thing I'd never do is go to this friend and bitch about the other friend...confusing huh??I found out that a person who talked to me about a common friend of ours goes to this friend and talks about me...such people don't deserve friends simply coz they can't be friends themselves...These are the sort of peple who use others completly and never give anything in return...and I'd rather stay clear of such people...
I prefer to be upfront about my feelings,especially with friends..I mean if you can't tell your friend how u feel..well who can u actually speak to??So recently when I fought with a couple of friends, I told them that I feel that they've been treating me like outsiders..the reply I got was 'Oh so you want to be left alone???'.I wanted to ask them whether they were deaf coz there was no sense in what they said but they hung up on me(we fought over the phone)..Now, they can believe that they've got the upper hand here because they hung up on me..dramatic ending and all that,But i kinda believe that people who do that are afraid of actually speaking their minds...I tried talking to them after this too...and all I got was 'We really don't wanna talk about it so lets chuck it...'I tried thrice but after i got the same reply all three times..what more can i do??I chucked it....these friends of mine probably believe that if they start talking about it they'll start screwing me so badly they'll say something that they'll regret later but what they don't realize is they aren't the only ones with some things to say...hello I started the freaking fight Didn't I???There must be a reason...
So basically what I'm trying to say is If I cant talk to people openly I'd rather not talk to them at all...Looking back at all that I actually start to think whether friendship is really all that needed,whether friends are really that worth it???Then I think about all my friends who ve actually stuck with me through everything and I think yeah 'They are so so Worth it!!!'
So I'm not going to let 2 people who I hardly know ruin what I feel towards my other friends who have always and will always be there for me...
So you can leave me alone,or ignore me when we're together,or talk behind my back for as long as you want.. I'm not really going to give a damn...I know who my real friends are and they are all I want!!
Hugs guys..Thank u so much for just being you!!!